Well Alright Dawgs!!

Blogs blogs blogs. Coming out of everywhere. Some jaggy, some cold. Now some mysterious stranger in an unknown office is giving his two cents...........and that's extra committed as the cost of his wedding left his with only two cents. I would ask you to take sometime to check out the special people in the special mentions adjacent.

Well American Idol has started and before the pomposity of the final stages begins, its time for the auditions. Oh man. A totally sincere expression about how retards can reach new levels of douchedom. Just had a guy who sounded like a cross between Barry White and Dr Julius Hibbert. Paula Abdul has the skin, hair and demeanour of a demented Brooklyn Jewish granny burning under the Miami sun and demanding gafilcher!!! And Ryan Seacrest tries to high five a blind dude.



Yes. That happened. was on You Tube and tonnes of the copies of this have been pulled. Ryan Seaquest is using his full corporate muscle to hide the fact he's a dick. Anyhoo. American Idol inspires memories of the U S of Naffness and I needed a song to reflect. Mister Mister? Richard Marx? Journey? REO Speedwagon? wait, we have a winner.

REO Speedwagon - Keep On Lovin' You

Mamas

Not good news for the mamas at the moment. Elaine's mum is not well and my mum broke her ankle a couple of days ago. So I really need a song to say get well and everyone dance. Hey, what's this coming along in pair of pink leather pants.......

The Intruders - I'll Always Love My Mama

Baggy Jeans and Lesser Of Two Phat Laces

Fnarr fnarr and apologies for the terible visual pun but following an email from a Horse Named Steve I have been listening to Q Tip's 2008 release, The Renaissance. So far its excellent. Feel a little confused as I heard the track, Official, on Giles Peterson's Radio One show a few years ago. Not sure if its a different version but the basics are the same.

As I wandered home tonight it was nice to be listening to some right proper Hip Hop. While i would never pretend to be the biggest Hip Hop fan or tmost knowledgable listener, I do love the beatnology, scratchology, lyricism and sneekers, when it all comes together.

The Horse Steve made a good point, "I think I love it. It's like one of those hip-hop albums you used to get before they all started doing 20+ tracks with special guests and skits everywhere."

Very good points im my opinion. Its true that the obsession with expensive guest contributors is so prevelant when it spread into jungle it made so many albums and tracks bloated and incoherent ego epics. Anyhoo, listening to The Renaissance was useful return to the basics of what I like without sounding old.

It reminded me a little of the Jungle Brothers and their album Raw Deluxe which I stupidly traded for a Laidback big beat album on Bolshi Records!!! Not so much a reminder in its sound but a reminder of a bling free production which was not afriad to have phat beats rather than so much of the r'n'b nonsense in the charts which sounds like it gets its beats from tapped a carrot on a biscuit tin.

I have added my favourite track of the album below and its accompanied by The Jungle Brothers and Eric B & Rakim. Break!!!

Q Tip - Gettin' Up

The Jungle Brothers - Brain

Eric B & Rakim - Know the Ledge

Plan It!!!

Hey. Well was drinking on Saturday and brought up the whole light years, looking back in time question.

Got thrown back in my face that we do not see the past but we see what is actually happening because its all relative and it does not matter about the distance the light has travelled, its about how and when we receive this. If you know what I mean? Anyhooo, mulling it, mulling it big time.

In the meanwhilst here is some background galatic thinking.


Solar System:How Big Is The Galaxy?

A New Year

Happy New Year and I hope you had a good one. 2009 is hear and I have some questions.

A lot of them are about money matters and finding a new job. But there are bigger issues.

I am sitting on the sofa watching The Hitcherhikers Guide To The Galaxy. I have not seen this before and its on because the lady is out seeing her mum, but it fits into my present New Year preoccupation. Science.

Given that the universe is trillions of light years in length I am under the impression that that means when we look at the stars and galaxies above, below and around us, we in fact are seeing them not as they are now, at that precise moment, but instead as they were billion or trillions of years previously. We see back in time. An exploding star has in fact been long dead and gone.

If we accept that and remind ourselves that we are not the centre universe but on a planet which is a tiny pinprick on the ass of the cosmos, then the same logic stands for any other life searching the universe as we do.

So if there is something else out there looking for life and they are looking at our galaxy, solar system and planet then they would not see me sitting on my sofa watching The Hitcherhikers Guide To The Galaxy but our galaxy, solar system and planet as it was millions of years ago, for example.

Now at present our technology allows us to only see living but seemingly still pictures of the cosmos. However, if we are theorising that the images at each end of this galatic search are both in the past then we can theorise that differing technology may exist and would it be possible for this other life to study us not as a distant collection of space gas and stars, but as if they were David Attenborough types looking through a set of binoculars seeing life in action. By that logic depending on the distant earth was from this other point in space and the level of the technology they could see our past in clear images. Dinosaurs, ice age, evolution of man etc etc.

Should they then record this and we would ever meet and share our joint histories, we would have the answers to many great questions and mysteries solved.

Happy New Year and here is a useful lesson in dealing with telesales callers....


Random Hilarity:How To Torment Telemarketers With One Word

A Waste Of Christmas

If there is a representation of the waste that jesus inspires it must the 49'hilarious' football funny DVDs that pour onto the shelves of HMV, TESCO and our TV's breaks for adverts every christmas.

So far I have noted that Ricky Hatton, Ray Winstone and Phil Daniels have joined the like of Ricky Tomlinson, Gary Lineker, Nick Hancock, Gordon Ramsay, Bradley Walsh, Johnny Vaughan et al to punt the same fuckin' DVD.

I can say that. I'm a football fan and I think I could say that I have have seen most of the key funny moments of football from Asia to Brazil and back to Plymouth. Outside of the big laughs there are million dull clips of a referee jogging backwards and......haha....hohoho...the stumbles over onto his bum. Yes, you see this a hundred times of it just gets funnier.

These DVDs are expensive, badly produced, awfully narrated pieces of dad pop culture. Just wait till January 1st when all these will be 50p.....and still overpriced.

Lets be a bit more imaginative with the presents. Lets be a bit more imaginative with the product, and C-List celebs please think about how you want to anchor your status. Wanna be heading to the top and digging your own grave.

Oscar the Grouch - I Hate Christmas

Christmas Harvest

Tis the the season to be greedy and thankful. and when it comes to xmas music as you would expect the blogosphere is awash with songs embracing, sneering, hating and funking christmas in an assortment of styles, be it funk, punk, soul, electronic, rock, swing, jazz, gizz, gizz-jazz and twee.

For a xmas music pirate like me its a most wonderful time of the year. A few years ago my mix cd was made late in the year as I trawled the net looking for appropriate tracks. However, my discovery of Hype Machine changed that. I can now choose my tracks and place most in cold storage for the next years mix. Less stress, more choice, greater pleasure.

So I just want to say a quick thank you to all those other blogs out there who share their discoveries and music with everyone else. There are too many blogs to mention individually but I just wanted to say a special 'hey!' to a three blogs that really dig and other something different.

Can You See The Sunset
The Real Big Rock Candy Mountain
AM Then FM

For today's offering I would say to celebrate The Emotions. The first track, What Do The Lonely... is just one of those magical darkside of the tinsel moments while Black Christmas is a bit all over the place but makes its point. Move over Bing Crosby I'm talking about Bill Cosby!!

Emotions - What Do The Lonely Do At Christmas
Emotions - Black Christmas

Holiday Whorehouse

Be it as it is the time of xmas tv, it feels appropriate to lash out at something.

I doubt I have many readers from outside Scotland (if so then welcome, say hi and stay tuned) so I do not think its an issue taking about xmas tv adverts. I could take a pop at all those horrible dvd's on sale for £15 where the likes of ricky hatton present the best of the most watched and therefore deadly dull footie funny clips all time.

I want to say something about Marks and Spencers and their xmas advert featuring Take That.



What is that all about? Yeah heavy on the product placement and randomn cleavage (don't mean those tits from Take That) but where is the narrative. What is meant to be the hook? What is the psychological tease that will have me in their stores buying expensive pants?

As far as I can see there is none of the above. All I can interpret from it is that Take That are spending their holidays at a remote stately mansion, getting drunk, snorting coke, playing with girls who are led by an aging former beauty in the form of Twiggy. In other words Take That are spending their holidays in a high end Whorehouse ran by Twiggy and whose headline dame is failed singer, model and presenter Mylene Klass. The Best Lil' Whorehouse in Xmas.

Otis Redding - Merry Christmas Baby

White Frost

Look! Another Obama picture and this time he is in High School or something similar. It's an almost too bigga stereotype for him to the black guy in the basketball team. haha

Anyhoo...There's some hip hop on the new mix. After some major lobbying from MC Rat, Run DMC's Christmas In Hollis takes a centre stage so in honour of his moaning and pleading and at points begging here is a remix of the track. I did consider using this mix but just like addidas, the originals are always best.

Christmas In Hollis (Estaw's Merry XXX Fix)

PS. Watch this a gloriously Hollywood liberal two fingered salute to those social fascists, religious nuts and terrified pensioners who want to stop members of the gay community from making the same great moves or awful mistakes from heterosexuals or gays who have not yet come out.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Christmas Is Not Just About Peanuts

It's baltic outside. The shops are full of crap throwaway merchandise and hordes of willing muppets willing to waste their cash bolstering WH Smith. It's christmas.

My 2008 christmas mix has been completed and is being issued as we speak. I plan to put it up on the blog so anyone who does not have direct contact with me can get a taste. That does not mean the christmas spirit is over for me. I am going to post some tracks that only made it to the cutting room floor.

For the compilation I was very happy with its title, 'Have a merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a crazy Kwanzaa, a tip-top Tet and a solemn, dignified Ramadan' and the xmas quotes that adorned its cover (thanks to Ari Gold, Paulie Walnuts and Bobby Baccala). While my first effort in 2006 had a fantastic variety of tunes it was not a true blood xmas comp, borrowing some tracks that suggested the festive period rather than using it to full effect. Last years had quite a few comedy tracks and so this year I wanted it to more minimal on the laughs and more focused on turkey, snow and boxing day constipation. To all those in receipt or waiting on their subscription, enjoy.

Lena Horne - Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

National Lampoon - Kung Fu Christmas