A Waste Of Christmas

If there is a representation of the waste that jesus inspires it must the 49'hilarious' football funny DVDs that pour onto the shelves of HMV, TESCO and our TV's breaks for adverts every christmas.

So far I have noted that Ricky Hatton, Ray Winstone and Phil Daniels have joined the like of Ricky Tomlinson, Gary Lineker, Nick Hancock, Gordon Ramsay, Bradley Walsh, Johnny Vaughan et al to punt the same fuckin' DVD.

I can say that. I'm a football fan and I think I could say that I have have seen most of the key funny moments of football from Asia to Brazil and back to Plymouth. Outside of the big laughs there are million dull clips of a referee jogging backwards and......haha....hohoho...the stumbles over onto his bum. Yes, you see this a hundred times of it just gets funnier.

These DVDs are expensive, badly produced, awfully narrated pieces of dad pop culture. Just wait till January 1st when all these will be 50p.....and still overpriced.

Lets be a bit more imaginative with the presents. Lets be a bit more imaginative with the product, and C-List celebs please think about how you want to anchor your status. Wanna be heading to the top and digging your own grave.

Oscar the Grouch - I Hate Christmas

Christmas Harvest

Tis the the season to be greedy and thankful. and when it comes to xmas music as you would expect the blogosphere is awash with songs embracing, sneering, hating and funking christmas in an assortment of styles, be it funk, punk, soul, electronic, rock, swing, jazz, gizz, gizz-jazz and twee.

For a xmas music pirate like me its a most wonderful time of the year. A few years ago my mix cd was made late in the year as I trawled the net looking for appropriate tracks. However, my discovery of Hype Machine changed that. I can now choose my tracks and place most in cold storage for the next years mix. Less stress, more choice, greater pleasure.

So I just want to say a quick thank you to all those other blogs out there who share their discoveries and music with everyone else. There are too many blogs to mention individually but I just wanted to say a special 'hey!' to a three blogs that really dig and other something different.

Can You See The Sunset
The Real Big Rock Candy Mountain
AM Then FM

For today's offering I would say to celebrate The Emotions. The first track, What Do The Lonely... is just one of those magical darkside of the tinsel moments while Black Christmas is a bit all over the place but makes its point. Move over Bing Crosby I'm talking about Bill Cosby!!

Emotions - What Do The Lonely Do At Christmas
Emotions - Black Christmas

Holiday Whorehouse

Be it as it is the time of xmas tv, it feels appropriate to lash out at something.

I doubt I have many readers from outside Scotland (if so then welcome, say hi and stay tuned) so I do not think its an issue taking about xmas tv adverts. I could take a pop at all those horrible dvd's on sale for £15 where the likes of ricky hatton present the best of the most watched and therefore deadly dull footie funny clips all time.

I want to say something about Marks and Spencers and their xmas advert featuring Take That.



What is that all about? Yeah heavy on the product placement and randomn cleavage (don't mean those tits from Take That) but where is the narrative. What is meant to be the hook? What is the psychological tease that will have me in their stores buying expensive pants?

As far as I can see there is none of the above. All I can interpret from it is that Take That are spending their holidays at a remote stately mansion, getting drunk, snorting coke, playing with girls who are led by an aging former beauty in the form of Twiggy. In other words Take That are spending their holidays in a high end Whorehouse ran by Twiggy and whose headline dame is failed singer, model and presenter Mylene Klass. The Best Lil' Whorehouse in Xmas.

Otis Redding - Merry Christmas Baby

White Frost

Look! Another Obama picture and this time he is in High School or something similar. It's an almost too bigga stereotype for him to the black guy in the basketball team. haha

Anyhoo...There's some hip hop on the new mix. After some major lobbying from MC Rat, Run DMC's Christmas In Hollis takes a centre stage so in honour of his moaning and pleading and at points begging here is a remix of the track. I did consider using this mix but just like addidas, the originals are always best.

Christmas In Hollis (Estaw's Merry XXX Fix)

PS. Watch this a gloriously Hollywood liberal two fingered salute to those social fascists, religious nuts and terrified pensioners who want to stop members of the gay community from making the same great moves or awful mistakes from heterosexuals or gays who have not yet come out.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Christmas Is Not Just About Peanuts

It's baltic outside. The shops are full of crap throwaway merchandise and hordes of willing muppets willing to waste their cash bolstering WH Smith. It's christmas.

My 2008 christmas mix has been completed and is being issued as we speak. I plan to put it up on the blog so anyone who does not have direct contact with me can get a taste. That does not mean the christmas spirit is over for me. I am going to post some tracks that only made it to the cutting room floor.

For the compilation I was very happy with its title, 'Have a merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a crazy Kwanzaa, a tip-top Tet and a solemn, dignified Ramadan' and the xmas quotes that adorned its cover (thanks to Ari Gold, Paulie Walnuts and Bobby Baccala). While my first effort in 2006 had a fantastic variety of tunes it was not a true blood xmas comp, borrowing some tracks that suggested the festive period rather than using it to full effect. Last years had quite a few comedy tracks and so this year I wanted it to more minimal on the laughs and more focused on turkey, snow and boxing day constipation. To all those in receipt or waiting on their subscription, enjoy.

Lena Horne - Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

National Lampoon - Kung Fu Christmas