A Waste Of Christmas

If there is a representation of the waste that jesus inspires it must the 49'hilarious' football funny DVDs that pour onto the shelves of HMV, TESCO and our TV's breaks for adverts every christmas.

So far I have noted that Ricky Hatton, Ray Winstone and Phil Daniels have joined the like of Ricky Tomlinson, Gary Lineker, Nick Hancock, Gordon Ramsay, Bradley Walsh, Johnny Vaughan et al to punt the same fuckin' DVD.

I can say that. I'm a football fan and I think I could say that I have have seen most of the key funny moments of football from Asia to Brazil and back to Plymouth. Outside of the big laughs there are million dull clips of a referee jogging backwards and......haha....hohoho...the stumbles over onto his bum. Yes, you see this a hundred times of it just gets funnier.

These DVDs are expensive, badly produced, awfully narrated pieces of dad pop culture. Just wait till January 1st when all these will be 50p.....and still overpriced.

Lets be a bit more imaginative with the presents. Lets be a bit more imaginative with the product, and C-List celebs please think about how you want to anchor your status. Wanna be heading to the top and digging your own grave.

Oscar the Grouch - I Hate Christmas

Christmas Harvest

Tis the the season to be greedy and thankful. and when it comes to xmas music as you would expect the blogosphere is awash with songs embracing, sneering, hating and funking christmas in an assortment of styles, be it funk, punk, soul, electronic, rock, swing, jazz, gizz, gizz-jazz and twee.

For a xmas music pirate like me its a most wonderful time of the year. A few years ago my mix cd was made late in the year as I trawled the net looking for appropriate tracks. However, my discovery of Hype Machine changed that. I can now choose my tracks and place most in cold storage for the next years mix. Less stress, more choice, greater pleasure.

So I just want to say a quick thank you to all those other blogs out there who share their discoveries and music with everyone else. There are too many blogs to mention individually but I just wanted to say a special 'hey!' to a three blogs that really dig and other something different.

Can You See The Sunset
The Real Big Rock Candy Mountain
AM Then FM

For today's offering I would say to celebrate The Emotions. The first track, What Do The Lonely... is just one of those magical darkside of the tinsel moments while Black Christmas is a bit all over the place but makes its point. Move over Bing Crosby I'm talking about Bill Cosby!!

Emotions - What Do The Lonely Do At Christmas
Emotions - Black Christmas

Holiday Whorehouse

Be it as it is the time of xmas tv, it feels appropriate to lash out at something.

I doubt I have many readers from outside Scotland (if so then welcome, say hi and stay tuned) so I do not think its an issue taking about xmas tv adverts. I could take a pop at all those horrible dvd's on sale for £15 where the likes of ricky hatton present the best of the most watched and therefore deadly dull footie funny clips all time.

I want to say something about Marks and Spencers and their xmas advert featuring Take That.



What is that all about? Yeah heavy on the product placement and randomn cleavage (don't mean those tits from Take That) but where is the narrative. What is meant to be the hook? What is the psychological tease that will have me in their stores buying expensive pants?

As far as I can see there is none of the above. All I can interpret from it is that Take That are spending their holidays at a remote stately mansion, getting drunk, snorting coke, playing with girls who are led by an aging former beauty in the form of Twiggy. In other words Take That are spending their holidays in a high end Whorehouse ran by Twiggy and whose headline dame is failed singer, model and presenter Mylene Klass. The Best Lil' Whorehouse in Xmas.

Otis Redding - Merry Christmas Baby

White Frost

Look! Another Obama picture and this time he is in High School or something similar. It's an almost too bigga stereotype for him to the black guy in the basketball team. haha

Anyhoo...There's some hip hop on the new mix. After some major lobbying from MC Rat, Run DMC's Christmas In Hollis takes a centre stage so in honour of his moaning and pleading and at points begging here is a remix of the track. I did consider using this mix but just like addidas, the originals are always best.

Christmas In Hollis (Estaw's Merry XXX Fix)

PS. Watch this a gloriously Hollywood liberal two fingered salute to those social fascists, religious nuts and terrified pensioners who want to stop members of the gay community from making the same great moves or awful mistakes from heterosexuals or gays who have not yet come out.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Christmas Is Not Just About Peanuts

It's baltic outside. The shops are full of crap throwaway merchandise and hordes of willing muppets willing to waste their cash bolstering WH Smith. It's christmas.

My 2008 christmas mix has been completed and is being issued as we speak. I plan to put it up on the blog so anyone who does not have direct contact with me can get a taste. That does not mean the christmas spirit is over for me. I am going to post some tracks that only made it to the cutting room floor.

For the compilation I was very happy with its title, 'Have a merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a crazy Kwanzaa, a tip-top Tet and a solemn, dignified Ramadan' and the xmas quotes that adorned its cover (thanks to Ari Gold, Paulie Walnuts and Bobby Baccala). While my first effort in 2006 had a fantastic variety of tunes it was not a true blood xmas comp, borrowing some tracks that suggested the festive period rather than using it to full effect. Last years had quite a few comedy tracks and so this year I wanted it to more minimal on the laughs and more focused on turkey, snow and boxing day constipation. To all those in receipt or waiting on their subscription, enjoy.

Lena Horne - Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

National Lampoon - Kung Fu Christmas

Christening Sunday Blues

Being forced out of the flat this morning to go to christening, in a chapel, in Possil!!! Means I have iron a shirt, wear a suit, shave and prepare a 'listening to some kiddie-fiddler tell everyone how I'm going to hell unless I let him touch me' face.

It's baby Marcus' big day so I will shut up and enjoy as best I can. So in homage to the day i was looking through a google search for christening and the first million pages were all companies looking to make as much money as possible for tiny outfits which will be worn once and then placed in a family time capsule only to be taken out by the parents when they want to embarrass marcus when his first girlfriend comes round.

However, did find this site for hand knitted christening outfits all the way from an e-pensioner in the Shetlands. It says she is a compuslive knitter. That made me think about how bizarre a compulsion that would be. One search and of course I came across a site of a complusive knitter. Please check it out, if only for the halloween cakes in the form of a brain and severed foot. argh!!

In honour of knitters here is a song whose title if not content says a lot.....

Frederick Knight - You've Never Really Lived

Digital Killed The Video Star

Many years ago in a glaxay far away people placed large platic boxes filled with thousands of metres of black tape into a large box full of mini-pneumatic drills. They used this to watch adverts from 1986 which were showing inbetween the premiere of Howard The Duck. Scientists had believed that users of such nology had faded into history just like there ferguson vhs players but a prodigal user has surfaced.

I will not use her full name but just say she is known as L McMillan to some and Linda M to others. Recently a close confidant of Linda M exposed her recent purchasing of blank video tapes. I presume it was in preparation of all those christmas movie premieres showing on analogue tv, like Honey, I Shrunk The Kids or Octupussy.

So to you Linda M I dedicate the above artists impression of a blank VHS tape, inspired by descriptions of the nology from survivors of that generation. And of course a song in homage to video past struggle hold over all other nologies.

Videohippos - Rider

A Change Has Come

Sitting in the new flat on a drizzly Guy Fawkes evening. Totally shattered. Why? Stayed up last night watching the US elections and Barack Obama's history making victory.

At first I said "i'll stay up until he gets Ohio or Florida." Soon that became, " i'll wait until he gets 215+ as I know California will be 55 in the bag." By then it was too late and I waiting for the west coast polls to close and Obama's victory and the Republican's defeat to be announced.

Mixed feelings at first. Workmates asked if I was happy Obama had won. Happy would be the wrong word. I think relieved would more appropriate. I say that because I'm a socialist and I think that while Obama may tick all the boxes for liberals and those seeking a break from the Neo-Con hold on Washington, for me he is not someone whose ideas and party come close to wwhat I look for.

In fact when I was asked who i would vote for I said to pals that if I was in a swing state Obama would would get my anti-McCain vote but if I was in New York I would probably end up voting for some obscure leftist bloke standing for the People's Anarcho-Revolutionary Brotherhood of Harlem. But if i had done that then I think I would have been guilty of dwelling in the cynical mindset so many of us socialists can get into.

In fact I would have missed out in playing a role in electing a black man as the US President. Something I thought I would never see in my life. For while Obama may not be a trotskyist fellow travller, he does appear sincere is his desire for a better America, and of course it would be a slap in face to those millions of Americans who chose not to fear him but back Obama and change history.

I don't know if things will change that much for Americans or myself, and certainly doubtful Palestinians or Afhgans will find freedom through one man's election. But I can say in the future I watched it live. I can show folk the 'Obama Rocks' badge I bought in NYC a year and a half ago.

Sam Cooke said a change would come and it has.

Sam Cooke - A Change Is Gonna Come

Move On Up

I am moving. Heading on down the road. About 150 yards down the road to be exact. New flat with the housing association and a bunch of new worries. Money, packing, painting, plumbing and the flat pack insanity. The above pic is what I came up with following the instructions for a bathroom cabinet.

But for all the stress and concerns the flat is great and can't wait to move in with de lady.

Anyway as in previous posts I love to link up the newness of life with the newness of music. With Squarepusher everything is new and sometimes pre-new. Ever since I bought his first album, Feed Me Weird Things, in error as I was after a Genaside II album, Squarepusher (aka Tom Jenkinson) has been a bubblin' experiment.

Sometimes it can be poison with overwhelming creaks, bleeps and white noise. But at others its a complex, rampant collection of creaks, bleeps and white noise which can turn out quite beautiful.

This is a track from his new album, Just A Souvenir. Its a little different because it has vocals (be it an electronic tone), a chorus and a little message in there. Not very Squarepusher but then again what is.

Squarepusher - A Real Woman

Big Jim Robinson

For me it was the best episode of Entourage S5 last night. After having a lot fun and at times getting bogged down in the guy fantasy the show can become, the plot reared its head and gave one of the shows most poignant moments in ages. Wont spoil it but reminded why Entourage is not just a lads wet dream but an essential piece of weekly viewing. What will Ari do?

If the quality of the episode was not enough I was overjoyed to Neighbours legend Alan Dale, aka Jim Robinson, make an appearance in about his 100th US show. As far as I can remember he has appeared in 24, Ugly Betty, Lost, The OC and even had a bit part in the latest Indiana Jones film. What a journey from the 70s brown-arange-aqua nightmare of The Young Doctors. So I salut you Jim and will hopefully see you the mini series John McCain: The Arms That Loved Too Much.


So in respect to Big Jim I offer this track, Written in homage to his acting efforts by Korean band Broadcast.*

*: parts of that last sentence maybe lies

Broadcast - Michael a Grammar

Family Silver

Got no higher in maths. Got no confidence in ma maths. Got a SCOTVEC.

Even those credentials cannot stop me. Almost speechless recently as numbers that are so big that they escape our understanding. Billions and trillions. Just about a gazillion almost. My money, your money, our money.

All going one way. Away from us and towards those with incredible wealth. Bankers, financial advisors, stockbrokers, analysts, managers, directors, chairmen, chairladies, political appointees. And all because they wanted more all the time. If someone came to your house and asked for some sugar, then slowly ate everything in your kitchen before salting the living room table and grilling it in sweet oils, you would rightly think that they suffered from a deep greed pyschosis.

Then they waited. They called our bluff. Plenty said don't bail them out. But the banks knew their contacts and politicians stake in capitalism meant it would only be a matter of time before national responses kept them in their offices. Helping them stabilise and once again be in a position to bet on and profit from job losses, offshoring and privatisation.

Stevie Wonder - Cash In Your Face

Well the governments of the West are bailing out a system whose inherent contradictions mean that collapses like the one we face always happen and that their darwinistic tendencies means that they tear one another apart before asking for the people to save them.

Boz Scaggs (featuring Duane Allman) - Loan Me A Dime

Let the banks collapse. Or atleast let's let there value drop so we can assume full control of the systems assets. Let's take real control over. Sick of hearing about how I somehow own part of a bank because the treasurery has gave them a loan. My money going out, the treasurery's money coming back. We wont see a penny.

The final track tonight is Woody Guthrie's Pretty Boy Floyd. I love the one of its final lines. Born from the Great Depression repulsion of banks it reminds us that "some will rob with you with a six-gun and some with a fountain pen." True.

Woody Guthrie - Pretty Boy Floyd

New Seasons

As autumn joins us we wear new clothes or atleast different clothes. The air is sharper and nights come quickly and it feels a little more cosy inside as it gets colder outside.

New seasons mean new everything. A new Simpsons season, a new Entourage season and a new Family Guy season. All return to entertain in our autumn evenings. Entourage is just as it left off, Family Guy's mixture of genuis, theft and bad taste are more focused, while the Simpsons continues to beat all the competition. Check out the opening episode from season 20 for a another hilarious Simpson's take on St Paddy's day and the Troubles. South Park is back soon for the end of season twelve. And Heroes is back and....well that is even more boring and frustrating as season two.

Joining in with this spirit of renewal I have tweeked the look of the blog just a little, but just enough to add a feel that new times are ahead. And I hope to to get back to business with the blog. Thoughts and Ideas ahead of overly personal chat.

New weather, clothes, tv needs a dessert. New music. DFA have launched a new label, Death From Abroad, and opening its catalogue is a sensational compilation techno-house-electro-disco-punk-funk inspired beats and sweeps from Berlin based label Supersoul. There only two duff tracks but out of 20 that's a good ratio. Maybe its just my inner dance junkie screaming out but have enjoyed listened the clinical but sometimes ferocious tracks on offer. Enjoy the change in seasons.

Strangelets - Riot On Planet 10(blitz_gramsci_remix)

Pussy On A Plate

Three days and counting. Don't know when the happy couple are getting their gifts delivered but if any of it is as horrific as the dining set pictured, then it will be too soon.

There are so many questions that race through my ming looking at the cat puke yellow china with a cat picture on it as by some sort of photoshop-plate printing service. Did a couple have that on their gift list? Why would anyone choose that as the symbol of their friendship to the couple? What sort of person would look at that and say "Yes!"? Would the bride and groom be able to look into the eyes of the demented guest who brought this with them? If they came visiting months after the wedding would the plates be dusted off and used for the casserole, or would they have been destroyed in a skeet shooting trip? Would the bride and groom fight over the plates come their divorce? Would they leave them to an unlucky child in a vengeful will?

Anyway here is a wedding tip thanks to the website ukhairdrssers.com (??) yeah I know wtf:

Q. Do I have to buy a whole place setting, or can I just buy a dinner plate?

A.
This depends on the store you're purchasing from. If you're buying fine china, you can often purchase just one item. You may find that the couple has registered for a very expensive pattern, and thus anything more than a single item will blow your budget. Its perfectly appropriate - other guests will likely fill in by purchasing the other items. Do make inquiries before hand though, this will save a lot of embarrassment in the long run!

One plate!!! Anyway while you mull over those big questions here is the brilliant Gram Parsons with a song he wrote for Darren and Julie.....around 6 years before they were born. I love the songs where Gram and Emmylou Harris were the victims of wild love. aaahh. This is from his final album Grievous Angel.

Gram Parsons - $1000 Wedding

A moment...

Been around a few blogs and its nice to see so many saying so many wonderful things about Paul Newman. I don't know what it is about the older hollywood stars, maybe the nostalgia, maybe the soft focus or maybe because the lack of cgi and other 21st century conveniences means their words and thoughfulness makes so many films so timeless. Losing the likes of Paul Newman or Rod Steiger reminds us of there can be method in acting without it becoming method madness.

I thought of a few Paul Newman clips I would want to have in the blog. I can't think of many Paul Newman films I don't like. There are his great moments of hope, humour, blue collar and subversion but I have chosen the moment when the heroic Cool Hand Luke learns of his mother's death and seeking solice, picks up a banjo and pours out his sadness to the night. A really beautiful moment. You will have to turn up the volume a little but its worth it.

Wedding Guide contd.

Tip two, travelling to the chapel (and a homage to Julie and Darren's numerous bangs and shunts):

Power Extreme

Just like the Centurions and their amazing weapon weilding outfits, it appears that all the boys are suited and booted for next week and the wedding of the century. Therefore it leaves me the simple task of dedicating this weeks blog entries to Darren and Julie's big day.

Will be posting some wise thoughts, tips and advice on marriage not just for them but for all couples be they straight, gay or lavender. Of course wach post with have a song for D & J. A song that not only represents the POWER OF LOVE but the sheer complexity of organising a wedding for catholics and atheists alike. There aint god my friends. And Jesus was a Mormon from outer space....or is that moron?

Anyhoo tip one comes from The Wedding Channel:

Q: My MOH is allergic to dogs. Is it wrong to ask her to take shots/medication for our ceremony?

A: While it’s fine to include well-behaved pets in a wedding ceremony, it can’t happen at the expense of the health and comfort of one of your guests. Someone needs to be in charge of the pets at all times to see that they behave, are fed and are taken for a walk. As lovely as it is for you to want to share your big day with your dogs, your maid of honor needs to come first. If her allergies are so extreme that she can’t even be in the same proximity as your dogs, I suggest you rethink including them in your ceremony. And, you shouldn’t ask your maid of honor to go for shots or take medication; if she offers and truly wants to, that’s her choice – not yours. You can always take some pictures with your dogs separately ahead of time so you can have a memory of those special moments with them, too.

Marriage Megamix. Part One. haha billy idol is such a fud.

Billy Idol - White Wedding

Happy Birthday Jackie

32 years young today. haha told her last night I was putting a picture of 'jackie' up on the blog which had her wondering a little about which incriminating photo it may be.

But with the age of the internet sexual predator upon us I did not want to post her likeness on the blog. So instead its some smashing pics of Mr jackie Chan. These are my favourites but check out this photo album to see all his angles, poses and homoerotic visages!!



Anyway went to the CCA last night to see james Murphy fae LCD Soundsystem doing a we DJ set. Was a little tired early on but got into the tunes and had a second wind (note someone had some second winds in the dance pit and it was raaaank). Trainers and jeans got covered in muck but I have washed them and its clean man. Damn clean.

Here is a wee birthday tune for jackie. Have a great year. x


Tender Forever - Happy Birthday

17" Inches Is Enough

Da-da-da-Darren's big day is looming like an apocalyptic comet preparing to lay waste to Western Europe. Gonna cost a lot but will be opne hell of a day.

So anyway word on the street is that the boyz and some of the girls have been hitting the shops looking to get the important piece of clothing that will make Darren think you have made an effort but in fact just got a dazzling bargain which has freed up important candy funds.

Steven has a new suit, Mario is in search of a super-thin tie (go to River Island - they have tonnes), Laney's radar is looking for a silver bag, Brady is desparately finding the most inappropriate joke to tell Julie immediately after you says yes, Jonathan is after a cold meat platter trolley and I'm after a tie to go with my brown suit and off-white shirt.

Did buy a wool rich two-brown-tone from M & S but as soon as I tried it, it was clear that it was a wrong choice. For anyone struggling out there, I found some useful tips on the net:

When purchasing a tie, be certain it is indeed alive and lively. Although you may be able to choose a tie from a chain store, there is no way of knowing how fresh it is unless you ask, and even then, be wary. Ties can be held in tanks for two to three weeks, growing weaker and less desirable within the cramped living space.

When choosing a tie, pick it up by its sides. The tail should immediately curl and tuck up under its body. Tugging on the tail should produce the same reaction.

Fresh ties should always be live or frozen. Absolute freshness is a must. Best prices on fresh lobster will be in spring and summer, although they are available year-round in most markets.

Pat Benatar - Love Is A Battlefield

Security

Oh man the fnarr gods were out in force tonight. After the horrors of Transformers me and the lil' lady headed out tonight to watch Stepbrothers, the new Will Ferrell and John C Reilly movie.

Laughed through most of it. They were doing what they do. Purile and immature 40 yr olds at odds with a world which does not understand classic Hustler, Billy Joel doo-wap, Steven Seagal and curly hair. You gotta see it. Actress Mary Steenburgen could barely keep a straight face during some scenes.

Anyway, with such an enjoyable new film viewed, it seemed apt to play some new music. Thanks to the great Aldo, I am have been aware of Stereolab for some time. Frenchy, cranky, poppy, skippy, morbid, hopeful and always different. This is the opening track from their new album which I like.

Stereolab - Neon Beanbag

Optimus Prime Is A Douche Bag

I have been pottering about the net for the last hour and a bit. Why? I was watching Transformers. What a piece of shit. Gave up after an hour and its been rumbling in the background. Bang, bang, lllooooooooooooottttttssssss oooooooooooooffff ssllooooooooowwwwwwwww mooootionnnnnnnnnnnnn, CLEAVAGE, an aussie, hip hop stylee autobots, ass, bangs, things and a total douche in Optimus Prime.

It was a two odd hour music video. For a shit band called Michael Bay & the CGI Orchestra. No jokes, no nothing. Just a deep throated gay colored truck saving the world and lovin' us humans.

Jon Voigt was in it and it's a shame that someone who once showed some sort of acting ability no plays the same husky old man. His movies are a garantee of badness. Something he has passed onto his daughter. What was the aussie girl about???? Why the hip hop autobot, BITCH? why did the soldiers baby not die....or atleast turn into a autobot spy bogey.

Oh sweet jesus that was shit. Atleast I found some quality tunes while ignoring the sloooooooooooooooowwwwww mo'.

One of them was the just awoken Justice mix for Dior which seems to be spreading like a Bellshill originated STD.

Here is a little Justice, music style:

Justice - DVNO (transformer remix)

Wind Power

Tonight as I left my ladyfriend and offered my goodbyes to her family, she leaned as if a ghostly pressence pulled at her offering the secret of the soul, and then with an innocence of a virgin nun she pumped...firmly and defiantly.

In honour of this monumentous day I give you more new stuff. A track from the new Deerhunter album which I like.


Deerhunter - Never Stops

I Wasn't Made For Drinking

It's been a while since the last post. That stag weekend discussed last time really took it out of me. Monday was great. Got all my things to do, done, an felt super. After a game of footie on Monday night I felt awful and that stayed with me for days. Needed about a gallon of milk of magnesia to clear the debris.

Anyway was still feeling low over the weekend and work was awful today. However, one man always helps and I was watching him this evening in the episode where he sues the church and moves into it. Homer!

The picture above is from the episode and as the camera spans the church and the Simpsons' half unpacked posessions lay strewn across the floor, Homer is in his pants listening to KISS and suddenly jumps up to sing the chorus and play air guitar. Thanks Homer. Thanks for helping.

Anyway its not just Homer. Here is some knowledge:

A street is a public thoroughfare in the built environment. It is a public parcel of land adjoining buildings in an urban context, on which people may freely assemble, interact, and move about. A street can be as simple as a level patch of dirt, but is more often paved with a hard, durable surface such as concrete, cobblestone or brick. Portions may also be smoothed with asphalt, embedded with rails, or otherwise prepared to accommodate non-pedestrian traffic.

The word "street" is still sometimes used colloquially as a synonym for "road", but city residents and urban planners draw a crucial modern distinction: a road's main function is transportation, while streets facilitate public interaction.[1][2] Examples of streets include pedestrian streets, alleys, and city-centre streets too crowded for road vehicles to pass. Conversely, highways and motorways are types of roads, but few would refer to them as streets.

KISS - I Was Made For Lovin You

Aquarium Drunk Shit Blues

Off to St Andrews on Saturday for a stag do and this post is a little marker to note my growing excitment. Not planning to expel bodily fluids like the gentlemen above but looking to rip it up big style and keep it going all Saturday and into Sunday. Monday and Tuesday are recovery days and Hell boy 2 awaits to help me through alcohol fuelled fear.

The Aquarium mention is because St Andrews has one and I thought it would be good to get drunk and ride the man-of-tees or fight the sharks, but that does not look like it has been sanctioned by the Stag Committee for the exploition of Darren (BIG SHOUT TO D).

So anyhoo. have added a couple of tracks to hopefully reflect what maybe be felt, experienced and tasted by us all or atleast the groom to be.

Ramones - Somebody Put Something In My Drink

Reverend Horton Heat - Beer30

PS> here is the trailer to a film that accurately reflects 1980s cinema. Boyhood memories scream for you to watch it when it is on late at night and then reality reveals it ti be utterly shite.

Are You Smirkin' At Me?

Do you ever find yourself walking, gazing, working at your desk, shopping and a cheeky little smile creeps up on you and its hard to stop beaming to all around you.

Happens to me all the time. Sometimes is has a clear cause: maybe I'll be listening to a Flight of the Conchords track on the D2, or watching a simpsons episode on the D2. By the way did I mention my D2? Good.

But its better when its nothing that caused you to light up. A thought, part of an overheard conversation, sounds in the street, memories. I dunno but more and more I find myself sniggering to myself. Sometimes worry I may look a bit smug. I used to think people who wandered about sniggering were weirdos but as long as you are not an insane happy wanderer whose smile is a grimmace of conformity then hey, enjoy it.

So here are a few songs dedicated to some those gigglers and smirkers I came across today as I laughed to myself about. Who knows why they're laughing but hopefully it because of a lot of really really unimportant but personally super things.


Altered Images - I Could Be Happy.

Lou Rawls - You've Made Me So Very Happy

Freestlyers

just tried to pay homage to friend number one by spilling by unconscious mental ramblings into digital form but it was a little contrived so instead here is a quirky picture. something we all need considering that glasgow's weather is a colour. grey.

Isaac Hayes Has Left The Building

Just seen that soul legend Isaac Hayes has passed away. It was just a couple of weeks ago i was sitting on the sofa drunk, watching a documentary about Stax records which reminded me how fantastic his contribution to soul was and is. A couple of tracks will follow tomorrow in respect. In the meanwhile here's Isaac.



Addition - Hey folks. Hope you like the video. Was playing football tonight and dedicated my first goal to the big man. All blogs worth their name are posting tracks so I will just add one. One of my favourites. Glen Campbell did it in a country frat boy stylee, Frank Sinatra did it in a smokin' joe camel style and isaac, well his is essential. His story come sermon is just super smooth with tapping symbols, an eternal organ hum and sweeping strings. I reccommend the 12 minute version from Hot Buttered Soul.

Also please check Moistwork's posting from a few weeks which was a homage to Shaft.

Isaac Hayes - By The Time I Get To Phoenix

Boycott!!!

Oivay. The olympics. It's everything. I was planning to personally boycott the 2008 games because of of all the olympic farces this is most blatant since 1936's nazifest. China brutality of their people and others had received a stamp of approval form the an admittedly hypocritical international body.

But even before my righteous passions flare, I am cursed with an indirect boycott caused by the pure shitness of most of the games. A mixture of bland minority sports and commercial cashcows seeking another platform for their bloating product. Indeed thinking about it, the only events I would usually be interested in would be the 100m, 200m, cuban boxers beating up americans, dropped relay batons and high profile british failure. That adds up to 47 mins and 23 secs rather than two weeks.

So to badminton, bicycle racing, rowing, sailing, tennis, football, bmx riding, shot putting, steeple chasing, table tennis, swimming, archery, shooting, basketball, marathons and judo, i dedicate this...

Sons Of Butcher - Fuck The Shit

Racism

Racism no. Racism ignorant. Racism stupid. Racism self centred. Racism blind. Racism prevelent. Racism accepted. Racism deluded. Racism inhumane. Racism old. Racism selfish. Racism mine. Racism backward. Racism poisonous. Racism unacceptable. Racism intolerant. Racism white. Racism black. Racism breeding. Racism dying.

Sam Cooke - A Change Is Gonna Come

Curtis Mayfield - We the People Who Are Darker Than Blue

Is It That Time Of Year?

Time flies in my eyes by when you work in a shit job helping the army of the ungrateful. But there is a time of year when these shitheads become less of an issue. Christmas! Because I get more days of from them. And with christmas on the horizon that means it's nearly time for the Xmas 2008 compliation. Here is what the music press is saying:

NME: "Rumours in the pointless comp grapevine say keef is in the studio and working on his 2008 xmas comp. Close friends indicate he may be returning to a darker comp like his original 2006 comp. Aides agree saying 'yup, there's more soul music'"

Mixmag: "After last years uber eclectic mix which gave us a blend of the Ramones, Denis Wilson, Loretta Lynn and the Salsoul Orchestra, leeks from his label, CD-R, indicate that xmas hip hop will provide the spine of the new comp, although Ushers involvement has not been denied."

Radio Times: "The battle of the comps has commenced with keef entering the studio and reportedly declaring that he will beat Allan to it this year. In 2006 and 2007 keef came second blaming technical problems and label interference."

While you salivate here are a couple of treats from the 2006 mix called: The 2006 Mix.

Hefner - The Little Baby Hefners Xmas Song For Holland

Hello Saferide - I pod X-mas

Cobblers!

Oh man! Had some fun last night. While rummaging about the net I came across some freeky bizzare trainers inspired by Barack Obama and which had been made by their owner...or some small scale artisan dude. So I had a search to see how one might go about taking a plain pair of trainers and making them my own.

What I didn't find was an easy DIY guide. What I did find was a couple of interesting diversions. Both Puma and Nike offer fans the ability to design their own trainers, within defined but fairly wide limits.

Was mucking about w'both sites and gotta say, especially Puma, I made some pretty interesting trainers. Since then I have a great couple of ideas about what I may do with these. Will most probably go down a Puma given my distrust of the Nike product. It aint a No Logo thang, but a result of some poorly made product in previous years.

So check it out and join me in a day of strutting to Booker T & The MGs.

Puma's Mongolian Shoe

Nike ID

Booker T & The MGs - Tight Is Tight

Band Of Bastards

HBO is one of the world's great television producers with a roll call that includes The Sopranos, Oz, The Wire, Entourage, Sex and the City, Flight Of the Conchords and Deadwood.

Its latest big production is Generation Kill. Following a platoon of marines as the invasion of Iraq begins in 2003 the story is based on the book of the same name by Rolling Stone writer, Evan Wright, who was embedded with the platoon at the time the attack on Iraq began.

The first episode set things up pretty well. Not a lot happened but like most good dramas that is sign of quality. The viewer is bombarded with full frontal depiction of the marine corps. Foul mouthed, sociopathic grunts who represent the bizarre cocktail of blue collar, frat boy, trailor trash killers created by a machine who sends them into war prepared to kill, even if they are not prepared with the right equipment. They are the bastard offspring of Band of Brothers.

I find the military mindset both at the top and bottom of the spectrum really abhorrent. The military is an extension of the worst male orientated fantasies created by our agnry white male civilisation. The Sopranos are equally horrific men but the lines between fiction and reality is clearer than with Generation Kill. An unsettling first episode, it still was well acted, looked great and offered much more.

Check it out and tell me what you think. To mark its start I've picked a couple of Saul Williams tracks from his Not In My Name e.p. of 2003. They remind me of the spirit of that time. A time when millions of us challenged the lies of Bush and Blair and gave a generation the empowering knowledge that we could say no to war.

Saul Williams - The Pledge Of Resistance

Saul Williams - Bloodletting

Look Who's Back

It's the charlie big banana of my audio world. My Iriver.

I got it in 2005 and immediately it helped further develop how I listened to and enjoyed my music. I got the same time my band wenty broad and I was able to trawl the internet on lonely, and even nights when there was company, to see what sort of delights there were out there. Especially in blog land.

Even when snide ipod owners mocked its size and weight thet could not compete with its drag and drop tickles and mutli codec compatability. If there was an unknown audio file type that crawled out the jungles of Southern Albania my iriver just picked them up, laid them out and danced on the competition.

But eventually its time seemed to come to an end. my old bones just could not lug it up the slopes of Glasgow and its hard drive began to click and crackle like a dying ember (aaww love it!). It fought off an impulse iaudio purchase in 2007 but eventually surrendered to the D2 Cowon which although a member of my family is becoming a close friend.

So the iriver was on the shelf. A storage unit for music and whatever else I felt like adding. Would never have sold it but really saw no future for it. Until...



...this Philips portable speaker gave me a wink in Tesco on Sunday. "What? I simply plug this into any MP3 player and I have music?"

I had a tape/radio player in the kitchen but to be honest I listened mostly to Radio Five Live or Radio Scotland MW (medium wave to younger readers). The only music I listened on this 'system' was Bryan Burnett's Get It On.

So now, resurrected, my iriver has taken up residence in the Ministry Of Food and has given me a sonic experience to match my culinary creations. And let's not forget that A-B function.

Here's a couple of my iriver classics:

PJ Pooterhoots - I Can't Go For That

Mystic Moods - Astral Trip

Not New But Not Old

Mmmmm yeah. Sweet soul with a hip bop twist from the lady siren, Erykah Badu. New Amerykah Part One (4th World War) came out in February of this year. Better than Jill Scott, funkier than Mary J, a soulful spoonful.

As I am not on the grapevine of music anymore this was stumbled across rather than waited for. While not as good as my favourite Badu effort, Mama's Gun, it's still so superior to the majority of the r'n'b type nonsense pouring across the atlantic. Not that I am saying she is r'n'b but you get the point.

Anyway as usual I have added a couple of tracks from the album. Enjoy and here is a thought...

Manufacturing nuclei in the island of stability may be very difficult, because the nuclei available would not deliver the necessary sum of neutrons. So for the synthesis of isotope 298 of element 114 by using plutonium and calcium, one would require an isotope of plutonium and one of calcium, which have together a sum of at least 298 nucleons (more is better, because at the nuclei reaction some neutrons are emitted). This would require for example in the case of synthesis of element 114 the usage of calcium-50 and plutonium-248. However these isotopes (and heavier calcium and plutonium isotopes) are not available in weighable quantities. This is also the fact for other target/projectile-combinations.

Erykah Badu - Amerykahn Promise

Erykah Badu- Me

Gabba Goo

Have you heard of this program called The Sopranos. Of course you have. I love it I really do. I finished the series last year with the help of the internet but m'lady is still catching up.

At the moment we are three episodes into series 6. So we have not yet reached the point when it becomes Sopranos Vs The Village People but I love the dream sequences and the coma journey was intriguing, especially the fact that Tony's voice in the coma is more thrill than normal and reflects his hated happy wanderer. But anyhoo, it still remains one of TV's greatest ever creations.

I downloaded a torrent the other day which has lots of the tracks which are not on the official soundtracks and while it was fun to listen to them I gotta say that like many scores and soundtracks, if you take the sounds out of their context then they are either ordinary or just shit.

The two tracks I had offering up today are a little from column A and one from column B. First up is the Chi Lites. From season 4 and the episode where Zillerman tells Tony that he is seeing his old ladyfriend, the russian one. Tony says its coll and then when a little drunk and driving, this track comes on the radio and in an emotional slide, he heads to Zillerman's to wip him repeatedly with his belt. Ouch!

Next up is the track that ended it all. The track that played as meadow reverse parked. The track that saw strangers drift into the cafe while Tony sat with his family. The track that played while a man went to the restroom to pee or maybe load his gun. In a truly great TV moment a billion Soprano fans nearly died through the tension. On its own its a pap 80s ballad but close your eyes and you see the Soprano family waiting...waiting...

Chi-Lites - Oh Girl

Journey - Don't Stop Believing

And some more new music...

Well after throwing a barrel of older tracks at you for the bulk of this blog it feels good to offer some more new music, although as with The Herbaliser, that dont necessarily mean I am saying they are essential. Just that they have tweeked my interest.

Back to the music. I used to visit and download from the blog, Chromewaves, before it became a struggle to keep up with the quantity of posts especially when the quality got very inconsistent.

However, one track I revisit is by the Swedish group, El Perro Del Mar. It was a quirky Kate Bush inspired pop moment. So when I was rummaging around the net the other day I came across their new album, From The Valley To the Stars.

16 tracks and there are probably only about 4/5 tracks I would say I got into. The big thing for me was how much the structure of the album and its tracks reminded me of the The Beach Boys (hence the photo). I know lots and lots of artists sounds like The Beach Boys or don't really hide their influence on the music but I feel that sometimes this works and sometimes it feels a bit derivative.

How Did We Forget is a really beautiful song and one you can imagine Brian, Carl or Denis Wilson weeping into a microphone. Inside The Golden Egg echoes all those wonderful mini-instrumental tracks from Pet Sounds, Smiley Smile or Surf's Up. Finally, Into The Sunshine, is as close of El Perro Del Mar come to Beach Boys pop track.

Maybe I am creating smoke where there is no spark but hey I noticed something and shared.

El Perro Del Mar - How Did We Forget

El Perro Del Mar - Inside The Golden Egg

El Perro Del Mar - Into The Sunshine

The Herbaliser's....

....debut album Remedies was the the first Ninjatune album I bought. I think way back in 1996.

It was and still is a great album. Listened to it not so long ago and even though there are a few scratches in essential grooves (thanks Justine! whereever you are) its blend of funk, Hip Hop and cine-samples fully reflecting the developing Ninjatune ethos.

However, The Herbaliser also represent Ninjatune's descent into a pretty standard and stale sound. Its experimentalism is......well I don't wont to go on about Ninjatune right now as this post is not about them and I don't want to slag off a label that made such great sounds.

Anyhoo, The Herbaliser, always promised lots but delivered relatively patchy albums and recently plain disappointing efforts. However, I still hold a fondness for them as each time I have seen them live they have been excellent and the nights, be it Art School, Sub Club or Arches have always been jumping. So thanks Herbaliser.

There new album is called Same As It Never Was and its out on the excellent German label K7!. I have added a couple of tracks from the album below. The album itself perfectly the description above. Tracks give glimpses of great ideas and directions but ultimately finish at same competent but not exciting place.

I chose Game, Set and Match because I felt it sounded like and reflected an untapped Gypsey-Hip-Parissihop sound. I close with the stand out track from their latest partner in rhyme (get it!!), Jessica Darling. A right thumping hand clapping tap along. Yeah!

The Herbaliser (feat. Jessica Darling) - Claps Your Hands

The Herbaliser (feat.more or les) - Game Set and Match

Cookie Monster

I like many folk on this side of the pond find American politics fascinating. I think its because there seems so little actual real politics taking place.

It's full of glam, vague aspirational visions and of course our opinions are safe in the knowledge that we don't have to choose between fraudulent democrats or vicious republicans......I know we have Labour and the Tories but aleast there a few smaller parties we can consider opting for.

Anyhoo, with American politics comes satire and for many of us, The Daily Show with john Stewart, was the show we got to see on tv. I think The Daily Show is very average with Stewart's iwttering in-jokes missing the mark.

However, The Colbert Report, which is a spin off with a character starting on Stewart's show, is one of the most hard hitting and hysterical shows coming out of America. Stephen Colbert does not play himself but a character. Mocking the Fox based Bill O'reillys and Sean Hannitys. Right Wing lunatics whose shows are editorialised lies attacking any progressive force in the USA.

Last week after a few average shows, the Colbert had its best guest so far, Cookie Monster. Defending his changing stance on cookies, the big blue cuddily idol stands firm against Colbert's pro-cookie agenda. Check it out.

Your dessert is a DJ Food take on a Sesame Street classic.

dj food - sesame st pinball number count

Links Effect

Hey. Not putting up a track today but just wanted to say a little about the excellent blogs on there which have inspired to try out the sharing of thoughts and music.

Not sure who, how many or why folk may look at this blog. It may just be Jackie and Allan along with a few lost souls searching for exclusives. However, I hope that anyone who does make the effort to read what I've written and listen to my choice cut, also takes a little time to explore the links on the right handside of the blog.

Some are blogs that i have followed for a good few years while others are new to me but no less exciting. Felt inspired to mention these guys because of Foeweel which during my weekly run through of the blogs in my favourites, has put up three mixes by Boards of Canada. If you don't know me then you will not know how important BOC are for me. Short answer: very.

Anyhoo, I am adding Foeweel to my links along with some others I have been regularly bisiting lately. There is a huge variety of motivations and music in these blogs which deserve recognition so take an hour and head on out there.

Damn it. Have decided to play a little song...

Ulrich Schnauss - On My Own

Baby Talk

Ah babies. Just want to get this out of the way. me and my lady aint expecting. This post is in honour of one of my work colleagues who let it be known today that she is expecting a baby.

Couldn't be happy for her. Just means I need to a get a new job before she leaves on maternity leave and a huge knowledge gap in the department.

Anyway I had to choose the greatest baby ever, Miss Maggie Simpson. A real heroine. Clever. Funny. Wild. And a lifesaver to Homer on more than one occasion.

Speaking of the Simpsons, and I generally do, a fellow devotee of the springfield five, Steve, gave me a shout about the Midnight Juggernaughts. Kinda a LCD System cum Justice cum Daft Punk cum etc. Been listening to the new album and although I would not say its a classic, its a lot better than much of the nonsense out there. LIKE HOT 'FOOKIN' CHIP.

In addition I thought its always to play a little dance and X-Press 2 fits that role to the smallest decimal point. Hope you enjoy it like I did french film, Priceless, at the GFT tonight. C'est Bonne.

Midnight Juggernaughts - Shadows

X-Press 2 - The Answer

Back....great

A lovely lovely and I may say, lovely holiday.

Beautiful weather, beautiful food, beautiful wine, friendly people, clear ocean, high cliffs. Amalfi is a really great place tol go and recharge amongst some really sensation scenery.

It may be hot in Glasgow at the mo' but it aint the same. Dreading going back to work on Monday but then again I dread going to work every evening.

Feeling a little fat due to the mounds of pasta I ate but already burngin it off cleaning the flat and awaiting the a visit from mon pere et mon mere.

The first photo is a clip from the Sunday night where the there was a huge fireworks display after a regatta. The second one below was this sensation dressed japanese tourist. It's something out of a nightmareish spaghetti western made in tokyo.



Anyway will organise some newer musicfor the next post. In meantime this is the opening track from the classic The Italian Job.

Quincy Jones & Matt Monro - On Days Like Like These

Holy Day

Yup, it's that time friends. Holiday is about from a booking to a reality. Me and the little lady is heading east and south tomorrow. No, not Berwick but Amalfi in Italy. On the coast south of Naples and although the weather is not predicted to be amazing I sure we will have a great time and eat some amazing food.

So this will be the last post until I get back and can post some pics of the holiday and the music that best fits it. Until a couple of randomn tracks.

The first is by Funky Monkey. Its extremely hard to find info about this guy or guys on the net. Some comments about them mention they were part of the 'Big Beat' wave of the mid to late nineties but that would be really unfair. Chucking them in with Bentley Rythm Ace, Propellerheads, Mekon and other such acts is an insult in my opinion.

Their album, Come Together People Of Funk, is great blend of sampnology and electro-funk. Peaceman is the final epic track of the album and is a real closer. It starts slow with strings, whispered samples and then builds and builds into a righteous call to funk, sang by Primal Scream collaborator Denise Johnson (think that's right).

The second track is a piece of hardcore NYC street rap from The Flight of the Concordes. Hip-hopopotamus vs Rhymenocerous is right on its wrong. Check out the video here. Hilarious.

Funky Monkey - Peaceman

The Flight of the Concordes - Hip-hopopotamus vs Rhymenocerous

Summer is here

Oh man! What a lovely day yesterday Got some provisions and set up some barbacue's in the girlfirends back garden and me, her, her niece, sister and future sister in law enjoyed some rays and blue bloooo sky during the afternoon and early evening.

Had some grub, drank some beer and got some sun of my face. Feel recharged or atleast less drained.

So thought I should slip on a couple of summer orientated tunes and let the summer mood get internetised. And before you say anything, the link is the they have summer in the title so no remarks about Indian Summer being a late summer/early autumn thing.

yes, first up is The Doors. This is from Morrison Hotel. Its the album that, for me, saved them from oblivion after the patchy Waiting For The Sun and Soft Parade. It's a real smooth trippy warm evening sound.

Next up is the daddy. Frankie boy and his summer wind. Only bettered by Martin in the Simpsons when his swimming pool collapses.

The Doors - Indian Summer

Frank Sinatra - Summer Wind

Les poulet-cheins (The Chicken-Muts)

Was listening to the new Sebastian Tellier album the other day. Got to be honest that after his two tracks on the Lost In Translation I have always been very excited about hearing his new work.

However, my excitement, or interest which would be a more appropriate word, has always been folowed by disappointment. Much if his output really does not match his potential and seems stuck between two dimensions. One celebrating eighties euro electro pastiche...the other a casio dominated world where calculator watches appear useful.

Anyway, so I was listening to one of the better tracks and it reminded me of all those great cartoons from my childhood. Like Dogtanian, Belle & Sebastian or Ulysses, Sory the spelling but i canna be bothered checking it. Anyway you get the point.

The cartoon would be called Les Poulet-Cheins in France but is translated into the Chicken-Muts. It's the classic cartoon stories of loved ones being separated, trying to find one another and meeting friends and foes in adventures along the way.

In this cartoon a dog and chicken that work in a circus fall in love. They hide their love from the evil circus master, Robespierre, until little chicken-muts crack open the eggs instead of the expected chicks. Furious with his two employees Robespierre banishes the dog, sends the chicken to a catholic home for fowl lady chickens and sells the offspring on ebay (or as the french say - ebay).

Need I say more. Each of the 79 episodes would find the three sets of characters struggling across a sometimes ferocious environment to find each other...will they make it...who knows.

I like to think the Air track would the theme tune while the Tellier track would be chase/dramatic score to chases and near misses.

Air - clouds Up

Sebastian Tellier - Sexual Sportswear

ps> sorry the second track is a wma, Forgot to amend it.

Yawwwn

Really tired. Did not get in until half five this morning and can feel it in my eyes, frontal lobes and gut.

Its a nice day so will go for a wee wander after posting this and buy some houmous and milk.

Not really got much to say except nuclear weapons are bad, fuck the queen and haven't vaccum cleaners changed a lot over the years.

Today's track is a little french number from Saint Germain. It fits into my mood and is a real drifter with soft jazzy samples and a wee repetitive beat. Sit back, sip some tea, lick a lolly and fall in love.

Saint Germain - Easy To Remember

That New Toy Smell

Hey there blimpy boys, flying through the air so fancy free!

So yeah, I got myself a new toy. After three years of my wonderful iriver H320 with the hours, days and months of accummulated time that it gave me aural stimulation, it's time to say a bientot.

It's replacement is a Cowon D2. Only 4gb but with scope for memory expansion and its smaller, lighter and touch screen. last year I tried out an iaudio 7 but was not really comfortable with its tiny size and navigation. But this seems a more than capable for the classic iriver.

Got it this morning and I'm already finding it really intuitive. Sound quality is great and the touch screen is simple to get used to. Think this could be the beginning of something beautiful.

So what was first track on this player. My first listen. Well its something I picked up from a blog recently. To be honest I cannot remember who put it up but thank you. Its a group called Escort from New York. Its so addictive with those constant quick fire vocals and disco-funk sensabilities. If you like the track then please check out the video, synched to the Muppets.

Escort - All Through The Night

Workers Of the World Unite!

Happy May Day my comrades. I know its a couple of days but was not able to spend the time required to put the post up. So yes, May Day. the date in history which has always been for the people, the common man, the working woman. It's not celebrated or treated in the same way as it used to be in Scotland but across the world from Cuba to India and South Africa to Italy thousands will march for another world. A world free of poverty, intolerance and war.

It's in easy in my present political manifestation to just glide along in a state of irony at the double standards and double crosses of big business, politicians and the reactionary thousands who think that locking up junkies will cure society's ills. But I am a socialist and proud of it. So its fitting to play a few songs which reflect our struggle and our hope. Also these are pretyy damn fine tunes.

First up is a slice of classic protest. Phil ochs may not get the headlines of Bob Dylan or woody Guthrie but his spirit rages through through that guitar. Speaking of Woody Guthrie, the second cut is a version of his anthem, This land Is Your Land. it's by Sharon Jones. I'll be honest. I know a lot of people like her and her blend of soul but its all feels a little to cleaned up and corporate for my liking. However, this is an excellent version of the Guthrie's classic so enjoy.

Third up is some real soul heroes, The Staple Singers. I love how their songs are so beautiful but when required, shake their heads in disapproval at the target of the injustice. Lastly is some angry Hip Hop and found while rummaging around the net. Don't know much about them but like their words.

Enjoy your weekend.


Phil Ochs - The Ballad of William Worthy

Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings- This Land Is Your Land

The Staple Singers - When Will We get Paid

Los Nativos - Black Flag Red Star